Open conversations between caregivers and teens build an environment of honesty, empathy, and trust.
However, many families don't know where to start! This page offers tools that promote open, honest conversations about relationships and personal safety at home. Keep scrolling, or select a topic to get started.
Developing self-awareness is the first step to engaging in productive conversations as a family.
Before getting started, take a moment to ask yourself these questions:
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What should your parent know about your friend or partner?
How should friendships or romantic relationships make you feel?
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What do you want your child to know about friendships and other relationships?
What do you wish someone told you about relationships when you were young?
Ready to get started? Try easing into the conversation with a prompt!
First, pick a couple or friendship from a movie, tv-show, or book that you both know. Then, with this pair in mind, ask each other these questions:
How does the pair show each other they care?
How do they talk to each other?
How do they talk about each other?
How do they resolve conflict?
How would you feel if your friend were in this relationship?
Next, take a few minutes to review the the Teen and Parent website pages together.
As you do, take turns asking each other the following questions:
What does a healthy relationship look like to you?
What does an unhealthy relationship look like to you?
How should we set rules about dating in our house?
Caregivers, make sure to share your answers too!
Finally, think about a friendship or romantic relationship in your own life.
With this relationship in mind, take turns asking each other the following questions:
Have you ever felt uncomfortable about something your friend / partner did or said? How'd you tell them? How'd they respond?
Has your friend/partner ever told you that they felt uncomfortable because of something you did or said? How did that make you feel? How did you respond?
Caregivers, make sure to share your answers too!
Starting the conversation is only the first step!
As your family navigates conversations around healthy relationships and dating, keep these communication tips in mind:
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Try not to use phrases like:
"Why didn't you tell me earlier?"
"You don't deserve them” or “They don't deserve you"
"Like I said...", "That's why I told you..."
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Affirmation: "Thank you for sharing with me"
Validation: "Your feelings and experiences are important to me"
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If you feel overwhelmed, try asking for space.
“This conversation is getting difficult for me. Is it okay if we take a break and come back to it later?”
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“Can you clarify that for me?”
“What’s that like for you?”
“Tell me what you mean by _____?”
“I’m hearing ________, is that correct?”
Above all, listen carefully and try your best not to make assumptions. Be sure to explain what you are thinking and feeling, even if it is obvious to you, because the other person may not know!
How can you and your family prepare in advance to stay safe? Make a safety plan!
A safety plan is a personal guide you can use if you ever feel unsafe, need to react quickly to an emergency, or are uncomfortable with something that a friend or partner does.
Your safety plan can include:
Phone numbers of friends or family you can contact in an emergency
A place to meet friends or family if it isn't safe to go home
A safe word you can use to let a trusted adult know that you're uncomfortable or in danger
A trusted adult at school, such as a teacher or coach
Things you can say to leave a dangerous or uncomfortable situation at school or with friends
Practicing digital safety is an important part of keeping yourself and people you care about safe.
Before posting, commenting, or hitting send, ask yourself:
Who else might see what I post, comment, or send?
Could this post, comment, or message be used to hurt me or people I care about? Anything you send can be saved without your knowledge or permission.
Do I know who I’m talking to? For friends you meet online, ask an adult to help you make sure your friend is someone your age with similar intentions.
Abuse doesn't stop hurting once it stops happening.
Teens who have been in abusive relationships are more likely to: use drugs; struggle with depression, eating disorders, and suicidal thoughts; and be in violent relationships as adults.
Abuse can happen to anyone and is never the victim's fault
If you or family needs support to heal from relationship abuse, help is available. Many organizations offer free, confidential* support to help victims of abuse navigate unsafe situations and connect to resources that promote long-term healing.
* Organizations are required by law to report certain information (i.e. a child who is in danger) and will use discretion to protect your privacy as much as possible.