Whether you’re dating, thinking about dating, or just curious about what healthy relationships look like, the tips on this page can help you form safe, rewarding relationships.
Keep scrolling, or select a topic to get started!
Did you know? Dating relationships…
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There is no one “right” way to date or be in a relationship. Dating can mean seeing someone, getting to know someone, going on dates, or hooking up. All of these are valid ways to talk about your relationship with someone else!
It’s important to talk openly with the person you are seeing about what the relationship means so that you are both on the same page.
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Lots of people meet online, through social media, or while gaming! Treat online relationships like any other relationship: focus on building trust and strong communication. Try talking clearly about your expectations with each other to build a healthy relationship that works for you.
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Not everyone is interested in having sex or trying other types of physical contact (including kissing, hugging, or holding hands).
Everyone is different, and there are no rules about when you “should” be ready for a physical relationship! It’s important to communicate what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not ready for.
Some people identify as asexual, meaning they aren’t interested in certain types of physical contact, including sex. Being asexual doesn’t mean you can’t engage in romantic relationships or be physical in ways that fit your needs.
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Your partner’s gender and sexuality don’t define who you are or who you're interested in dating. Some people use labels to describe who they are (cisgender, nonbinary, transgender, gender queer), who they’re attracted to (gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual), or how they experience attraction (asexual, aromantic, demisexual).
There are dozens of labels people use to define themselves, but some people also choose not to use labels at all. Only you can define your experience and how you would like to be identified - when, how, and who you share this information with is up to you!
Communication is important!
Getting to know someone new (or in a new way) looks different for everyone! No matter what it looks like for you, it’s important to check in with yourself often, talk about anything that bothers you, and set boundaries that help you feel comfortable.
Check out these tips…
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Every relationship needs good communication: sharing the things you appreciate and speaking up about the things that bother you.
Relationships can change, just like people. It’s important to pay attention to how the relationship makes you feel and check in with each other regularly.
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You are allowed to set boundaries at any time, and you can change your own boundaries when you feel comfortable.
However, it’s never okay to push someone else’s boundaries. If a partner’s boundary makes you upset or frustrated, talk about why that boundary is important to them and come up with a different way to meet your needs that doesn’t involve challenging their boundaries.
Learn more: love is respect
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If your partner crosses a boundary, let them know. It’s important to recognize what happened, share how it made you feel, and talk about why that boundary is important to you.
If someone continues to push past your boundaries or tries to get you to change your mind, it may be time to ask for help.
Learn more: love is respect
How can you spot the difference between a healthy and an unhealthy relationship?
Keep an eye out for green and red flags!
Green Flags
You feel that you can be yourself around them
You talk about and respect each other's boundaries
You can talk about things you disagree on without fighting
You feel safe and respected around them
They respect your gender and sexuality, even if you are questioning
Learn more: one love
Red Flags
They make you feel guilty, angry, or upset
They don’t respect your gender, pronouns, or sexuality
They criticize your clothing or appearance
They get upset when you see other friends or family
They go through your phone/social media
There is a large gap in your age or developmental stages
Learn more: one love
Is your relationship healthy or unhealthy?
Sometimes, unhealthy relationships can become abusive.
Learning how to spot different kinds of abuse can help you stay safe! Learn more about the types of abuse below:
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Physical abuse doesn’t always cause pain or injury (like a cut or bruise). In addition to physical attacks (like hitting, pushing, kicking, or choking), physical abuse can include:
Throwing items at or near you
Scratching or biting you; pulling your hair
Preventing you from leaving or forcing you to go somewhere
Grabbing your face to make you look at them
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People of all genders and sexualities can experience or use sexual abuse. Sexual abuse isn’t always violent/forceful and includes any behavior that influences someone to do something sexually that they don’t want to do. In addition to unwanted sexual contact (like kissing, touching, hugging), sexual abuse includes:
Using unwanted sexual language or sexual insults
Pressuring or manipulating someone to have sex or perform sexual acts.
Sexual contact with someone who is unable to give consent (because they are intoxicated, asleep, or unconscious).
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Verbal abuse includes non-physical behaviors, like threats and insults.
Calling you names or putting you down
Yelling or screaming at you
Threatening to harm you, your pet(s), or people you care about
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Emotional abuse includes non-physical behaviors intended to influence or control behavior. Examples of emotional abuse include:
Embarrassing you or starting rumors about you, either online or in person
Stopping you from seeing or talking to friends and/or family
Discouraging you from embarrassing your identity (gender, sexuality, race, culture, religion, etc.)
Damaging your property (throwing things, punching walls)
Being overly jealous or protective; accusing you of cheating
Threatening to share your personal details, like your sexual orientation, gender identity, or immigration status
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Digital/cyber abuse is using technology and social media to intimidate or control a partner. Examples include:
Telling you who you can or can’t follow or be friends with on social media
Looking through your phone or tracking your location without permission
Sharing personal messages/images with others
Demanding access to your social media accounts
Constantly texting you or making you feel like you can’t be away from your phone
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Reproductive abuse impacts a person’s ability to control reproductive methods or choices. Examples include:
Refusing to use condoms
Making you start or stop using birth control, STI protection, or abortion services
"Messing with" your birth control or protection
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Financial abuse includes behaviors that influence or control your money, your ability to make money, or how you choose to spend your money.
Examples of financial abuse include:
Offering to pay, then making you feel guilty or like you “owe them” later
Stopping you from going to school or work
Always asking you to pay for things
Monitoring what you buy
Getting you fired by harassing you, your employer, or coworkers
Learn more: love is respect.
Concerned that your relationship could be unhealthy or abusive? It’s not your fault, and help is available!
Here are three things you can do now:
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Text "LOVEIS" to 22522 to talk with an advocate from Love Is Respect. The Love Is Respect hotline can be used anytime, not just for emergencies.
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A trusted adult can be any adult in your life: a parent, teacher*, coach, older sibling. Let them know you need someone to listen and ask them to help you decide how to react.
*Remember that people like teachers, coaches, or doctors may be required to make a report if they learn that a child is in danger. If you aren’t ready to make a report and get help from professionals yet, you can start by talking to a friend or family member you trust.
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Come up with a plan to protect yourself from harm. For example, spending less time with that person or asking someone you trust to be with you the next time you see them.
Learn more about safety planning: love is respect
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Leaving a relationship is hard, even if it’s the best thing to do, and it’s normal to be upset.
Plan the break-up. People can act unexpectedly during a break-up. If your friend wants to break-up with their partner in person, suggest that they do it in public or close to friends/family, so they can get help if they need it. If your friend is afraid of how their partner will react, encourage them to break-up over the phone. That way, they’ll be physically safe. Either way, ask your friend to let you know when they plan on talking to their partner so that you are ready to support them when it’s over.
Pay attention after the break-up
An abusive partner is more likely to lash out after a break-up. This could look like: calling repeatedly, showing up unannounced, contacting mutual friends, or posting private photos and messages online. If any of this happens to your friend, suggest that they block their ex and share what’s happening with an adult.
Make space for healing
It takes time to recover from any relationship ending, especially an abusive one. Encourage your friend to create an emotional safety plan. This could include spending time with friends/ family, and planning activities that will make them feel good.
Learning how to be in a healthy relationship is a process, and it’s possible to hurt your friend or your partner without noticing.
To better understand how you behave in relationships, try asking yourself the following questions:
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Do you feel the need to text them for frequent updates on what they’re doing and who they’re with? If they’ve shared their location with you, do you check it frequently to see where they are?
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Think about the last time you two hung out. Did you decide where to go or what to do? Were they as excited as you were? Next time, focus on what they want to do and how they feel most appreciated.
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If you don’t feel your needs are being met or that something your partner is doing is worrying to you, talk to your partner first, and then to a trusted adult to come up with a solution that is within your control.
Learn more: love is respect.
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You can set boundaries about things in your life like your belongings, your family, your body, or your mental health, not someone else’s.
If you always have to convince your partner to do things with you or ever ask them to do things you know they’re uncomfortable with, you’re not respecting their boundaries or their feelings in a relationship.
Learn more: love is respect.
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People often justify this behavior with jealousy or fear that their partner will cheat on them or that someone else will make advances toward their partner. Limiting someone’s freedom is never the correct way to confront insecurity or fear. Healthy relationships are built on trust, not restrictions.
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This could be a sign that you feel a need to control who your partner spends time with.
Spending time with multiple people, friends and family, that aren’t your partner is important for a healthy social life. It’s not fair for either person if you or your partner’s social wellness is dependent on the relationship. If you feel that you can’t trust your partner when you’re not with them, try talking about what has made you feel this way and how you can compromise to put you at ease while allowing them to freely spend time with others.
If you feel that you need to know or control who your partner is with at all times, it may be time to take a step back and focus on the things in YOUR life that you have control over, not someone else’s.
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The clothes someone puts on their body is their personal choice and does not define their gender, sexuality, relationship status/availability, or desire/permission to have sex. Limiting someone else’s personal expression through clothing is inappropriate and controlling.
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This is called a double standard: when someone is allowed to do things that their partner is not (like seeing friends or going out). Many people come up against double standards if they try to enforce the same rules their partner uses to control them.
For example: “I’m not allowed to follow other men on instagram, why are you allowed to follow other women?”
If someone isn’t willing to do what they are asking their partner to do, it probably isn’t appropriate to expect it of their partner at all.
If you recognize these behaviors in yourself, it may be time to ask for help.
Not sure where to start? Check out these ideas…
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Text "LOVEIS" to 22522
to talk with an advocate from Love Is Respect. The Love Is Respect hotline can be used anytime, not just for emergencies, and advocates are trained to help young people who want to change their own behavior.
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Feelings like anger and anxiety should never be put on your partner. If you find it hard to deal with difficult emotions, reach out to a friend or adult you trust and ask for help. Taking care of yourself can be better for your partner as well.
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With the help of a trusted adult, come up with a plan to change your behavior. Depending on the situation, it may be best for you to step away from the relationship while you work on your behavior.
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If your partner is ready to talk, tell them what you’ve learned about yourself, apologize for your behavior, and share the steps you are taking to change. Listen to what your partner has to say without judgment and validate their feelings.
It may be a good idea to bring a friend or adult with you to have this conversation so that everyone feels safe.
If you’re partner isn’t ready to talk, never force them to. Give them space and focus on following your plan.
I’m okay, but what if I’m worried about a friend?
Depending on the situation, you may be able to help:
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Share your concerns, then listen without judgment. Tell your friend what you have observed, explain why it worries you, and let them know you are here if they need you. Then, listen to what your friend has to say about their experience. Try your best to listen and ask questions without judging their situation.
If abuse is occuring, let them know it isn't their fault. Abuse can happen in any relationship, and it is never the fault of the person experiencing abuse. To learn more about different types of abuse, click here (re-link to anchor point)
Encourage them to follow the steps above. Share a link to this website, and encourage your friend to talk to an advocate and follow the steps above.
Support their decisions, even if you don't agree. Your friend can only leave their relationship when they are ready. It’s important to support your friend’s decisions, even if you don’t agree. If your friend decides to stay in their relationship, the best thing you can do is let them know that you trust their judgment and are here if they ever need support.
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Remember, it’s normal for them to be upset.
Leaving a relationship is hard, even if it’s the best thing to do. Be supportive, validate their feelings, and remind them that they are not alone.
Plan the break-up
People can act unexpectedly during a break-up. If your friend wants to break-up with their partner in person, suggest that they do it in public or close to friends/family, so they can get help if they need it. If your friend is afraid of how their partner will react, encourage them to break-up over the phone. That way, they’ll be physically safe. Either way, ask your friend to let you know when they plan on talking to their partner so that you are ready to support them when it’s over
Learn more: love is respect.
Pay attention after the break-up
An abusive partner is more likely to lash out after a break-up. This could look like: calling repeatedly, showing up unannounced, contacting mutual friends, or posting private photos and messages online. If any of this happens to your friend, suggest that they block their ex and share what’s happening with an adult.
Remember, you should never try to stop a friend’s ex from acting abusively; this could put you in danger. Parents, teachers, and coaches can step in to stop the ex from acting out.
Make space for healing
It takes time to recover from any relationship ending, especially an abusive one. Encourage your friend to create an emotional safety plan. This could include spending time with friends/ family, and planning activities that will make them feel good.
Remember, abuse doesn’t stop hurting once it stops happening. Learn more about supporting a friend: love is respect.
Helping someone who is in an unhealthy or abusive relationship is a marathon, not a sprint.
It can be hard to leave a relationship safely and it may take time. The best thing you can do is take care of your own health and safety so you can support them when they might need you.
Learn more about supporting a friend: love is respect
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It can be hard to accept that someone you know and trust could be hurting someone else. For this reason, it may be tempting to excuse or ignore friends’ behavior. However, staying silent encourages actions that hurt other people.
If you’re worried about a friend’s behavior, share your concerns in a non-judgmental way and describe the signs of an unhealthy relationship that you’ve noticed.
Learn more: love is respect.
Still have questions? Check out our FAQs!
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Dating can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people. No matter what your definition is, relationship abuse can happen. Any relationship you have can be unhealthy, even if you’re just friends, friends with benefits, or even exes. The information you’ve read and the resources you’ve seen are good for friends, partners, and everything in between.
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Gaslighting is a buzz word that you may see a lot online or on social media. It’s a form of abuse or manipulation when someone tries to convince you that your thoughts, beliefs, or experiences are wrong.
It may look like someone telling you that you are “crazy” or “wrong” for something you may have seen with your own eyes. You partner might also say they “don’t remember” something they said or did to hurt you. They may also use your mental health as an excuse, like saying “you’re just anxious” or “you’re just depressed”. While you may experience anxiety or depression, it should never be used as a way to negate or invalidate your feelings or experience. Mental health and wellness can be worked ontogether but should never be used against you.
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Love-bombing is the stuff of romance movies: receiving notes and gifts and declarations of love. They say it was love at first sight and that you’re their soul mate forever. They never want to leave your side or you’re the only person they want to see. It’s heartwarming and dramatic but in real life, sometimes it’s too much.
Love bombing is excessive expressions of affection through words, gifts, or physical touch, sometimes very early in a relationship or soon after an argument. Love bombing can be unhealthy if it is used to convince someone to stay in a relationship or say yes to things they normally wouldn’t do. Just because someone spends a lot of money or says they’ll do anything for you does not mean you own them love, affection, or anything else. If it feels like it’s moving too fast, ask to slow down.
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In a study of middle school and high school students across 5 years, teens who had experienced relationship abuse at the time of the first interview were more likely to report negative physical and mental health outcomes such as
Anxiety and depression
Suicidal thoughts
Drug and alcohol use
Relationship abuse in young adulthood
If you are having suicidal thoughts, you are not alone. Call 988 or text 988 to speak with an advocate and get help today.
Learn more: pub-med
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Yes! While many people would think of relationship abuse being cisgender men hurting cisgender women, anyone can experience relationship abuse. Members of the LGBTQIA+ community are often more at risk for relationship abuse, especially transgender people. Why?
It may be harder to find help. They may be afraid of being turned away because of their gender or sexuality.
They can experience unique abuse like being outed without their consent or intentionally misgendered.
They may be made to feel ashamed of their gender identity or sexuality.
That’s why is extra important to know the signs of unhealthy relationships, to keep yourself, your friends, and your community safe.
Learn more about relationship abuse in LGBTQ+ relationships and find LGBTQ+ safe resources here.
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